And I had that awful, slow dawning of understanding that I have been holding on to this for the entirety of my life because it has "served" me to cast myself as a victim. When I use an oft-repeated phrase that I heard growing up as the reason why I can't do this or that; when I allow it to hamper the deep intimacy I have ever had with any man, including my husband; when I give it more credibility than my intellect, my accomplishments, my spirit, heart and dreams, then whatever failures I have had or might have if I take too big a leap can be passed off…
tempus fugit*, part II
I'm leaving this residency a less fearful and more inspired, thoughtful person. The entire time I lived in income-based housing, I said that I wasn't really working much because what job could possibly pay me enough to value the one commodity I have always prized above all else? Time. (Believe me, I look back on that version of me with some level of shame at that entitlement. Reality Bites is hardly comedy or fiction for me. #HardcoreGenXer)
I’m stretchy-chasey, how about you?
Sometimes I wish life were more binary. I want to be stretchy. Period. I don't want to be stretchy and chasey, although truthfully, being chasey sometimes drives me to figure things out just to alleviate my envy. But it's hard to live simultaneously with those two qualities because the chasey feels like it is drowning the stretchy, and I know that the stretchy just needs more time.
Watch. Hit rewind. Play again.
We repainted our bedroom yesterday; a task we have been talking about for nearly as long as we have been married (one week short of 12 years). Social isolation has given us the time to do a ton of house projects, and I am grateful. The verdict is still out on the bedroom for me, despite the fact that I picked the color, but I am glad we did something in there. Aside: When Quinn was young, he was obsessed with Space Jam and watched it over and over for about three years. Dr Marry tells this funny story of one of the first nights he was babysitting. They were building LEGOs and…
Better Late than Never
I’m late to the Brené Brown game. I have known about her for a number of years (hello, I don’t live under a rock!), and I haven’t actively ignored her writings and TED talks, but I haven’t sought them out, either. I suppose I chafed at her seemingly universal popularity; I’m not a joiner of really…anything; getting on her bandwagon felt too obvious. Too basic. So I passively ignored her work. But Brené was in good company; I pretty much have always ignored all self help, personal exploration books. While my mom and my college best friend were eating them up like happy meals, I was busy touting their irrelevance.…