Spontaneity is an under-valued trait. There's a lot of upside to not knowing how something's going to go and saying yes anyway. I'm not saying to be insane—there are certainly places to stop, take a breath and consider the options, weigh the pros and cons and seek advice from others. But mostly, saying yes is about trusting your own instincts, getting quiet and listening to that inner voice that's guiding you, trying to help direct your inner traffic if you'll only stop and pay attention.
-
-
Shame and isolation be damned
Shame at what's weighing you down breeds an almost frenzied desire to isolate. Mustn’t be discovered by everyone else, by anyone else–no one will understand what you’re going through; shame convinces you that you are the only person who has “failed” in this way, fallen down or been dragged down by someone else. Isolation, in turn, feeds fully off the stories you continue telling yourself as the shame piles higher and higher, burying you under its massive, crushing layers.
-
How big is your glass?
The point is, the great majority of us are doing the best we can in the time of life we're in. Could I be doing more to be intentional and manifesting and letting go? Could I be stretching more? Could I stop eating mindless treats at 2:30 every afternoon? Probably.
-
Discover Your Couple’s SOBER Spark experience (virtual)
Dr Marry and I are fresh from coming off a very successful Eat. Drink. Spark! Couple’s experience. It went so well that we’re launching our next Discover Your Couple’s SOBER Spark virtual event. Find everything you need to know here and then sign up to join us for a fun, informative and informal date night on Saturday, October 7 from 7-9pm CDT. October might feel like it’s a long way off, but we all know how fast the fall goes once it gets back into the swing of it. This experience is a fabulous night of connecting with yourself, your partner and with other couples where one or both are…
-
What’s your origin story?
Origin stories are all over our media landscape today. Everything from (practically) every Marvel and DC character to the Bridgerton, Star Trek and Star Wars series to the musical Wicked are taking us backwards in time to where the characters we first met at one stage of their lives began. It’s an interesting concept to consider for yourself, too. How in the world did you end up…here? Just consider one aspect of your life. For instance, how did you end up with your current/last partner? Example A (for love) Here’s the quick origin story of how I got to Dr Marry: To avoid teaching after completing an English secondary education…
-
Taking off…but to where?
The end of one thing is always the beginning of something else. And there's almost always good and less-than-good with each transition. Many of our "taking off" experiences are "both and" moments. I'm happy AND sad. I'm terrified AND excited.
-
Something to puzzle over
Dr Marry and I did what so many of us do: we make a big declaration about something...anything in our lives. And we make a great big splash about it.
-
Out with one decade and in with the new
December 28, 2022 early am I’m up in the early, pitch dark silence of York, England, sitting in the living room of the beautiful AirBnB I rented nearly a year ago for just this occasion, the final day of my 5th decade. A number of people I love are asleep in this house with me: the incomparable Dr Marry, my spectacular mother, her partner Bob, my beloved Quinn and his girl Leona. All, and my brother Wes for part of it, have made the trek across the pond to celebrate this milestone birthday with me—something I have been planning since Dr Marry and I celebrated my 46th birthday in Yorkshire…
-
Who are the banks of your river?
I'm in the midst of making big, life-altering decisions, and Dr Marry's opinion is the most important one to me now. Today, he listens, asks thoughtful questions and considers all the options before sharing his ideas. The banks he provides keep my water contained but moving forward in a dynamic, fluid, evolving direction. We are alongside each other, the water up against the bank, creating an equal push and pull. And we effortlessly transition back and forth between the two different roles depending on the needs of the other.
-
The bark of perfection aka looks can be deceiving
When Dr Marry was at the height of his drinking, I told no one. The darker the interior rings got, the harder I worked to maintain a healthy exterior because I was terrified of my reality being found out, of being deemed rotten and cut down.